Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe? s first time
ever hunting, so he was following Bob’s lead.
Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he
was and to be quiet!
After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe
what had happened.
Joe said, "There was this snake and he slithered across my feet,
but I never screamed. Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled,
but I never screamed. "
"So then what did make you scream," Bob asked, exasperated.
"Well," Joe continued, "two squirrels crawled up my pants
and I overheard them say, "Should we take them home or eat?em now? "
An old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast table on the
morning of their 50th wedding anniversary.
The old man said,"You know, 50 years ago, we were probably sitting
here buck naked. "
The woman said, "Why don't we try that again? " So they
stripped and sat down at the table again.
Soon the old woman said, "Honey, my boobs are as hot for you today
as they were 50 years ago. "
The man replied, "Of course they are dear, one's in your oatmeal
and the others in your coffee! "
A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of draining and
a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, the doctor initiated a
conversation that went as follows:
D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear.
D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR!L:??EH??D: (shouting) --IN
YOUR EAR! -- A SUPPOSITORY!!!
L: Oh, thank Goodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid....
A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went
to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a
ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road.
The woman said, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here
forty years ago. "
The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and he
immediately jumped her bones like a bass on a june bug. They made love like
Back in the car, the guy says, "Darlin', you sure never moved like
that forty years ago--or any time since that I can remember! "
The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery
store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened a box of animal
crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing? "
his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is
broken," the Boy explained, so "I'm looking for the seal! "