2013年11月29日 星期五

Weekend fun



Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins"
"That’s funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets"
The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!"
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!



A bar owner locked up his place at 2 AM and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang. “What time do you open up in the morning?” he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.
The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. “Listen, the owner shouted, “there’s no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn’t let a person in your condition in—“

“I don’t want to get in,” the caller interjected. “I want to get out.”



One day Bill Clinton was talking to Hillary. He was going on a vacation and before he left said, "Whatever you do don't look under my bed." So while Bill was on vacation Hillary got curious and decided to look under his bed. She found a million dollars and 2 empty beer cans. When Bill came home she said, "What's with the two beer cans under your bed?" Bill replied, "Oh. That marks all the times I've cheated on you." "Well, I forgive you," said Hillary, "But then what's with the million dollars?" He replied, "I've started to recycle."



Subject: Computer Hard and Software:
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system>activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)
______________________________________

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag, Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support


2013年11月28日 星期四

【鷓鴣天】




我是清都山水郎,天教懶慢帶疏狂;
曾批給露支風勅,累奏留雲借月章。
詩萬首,酒千觴,幾曾著眼看侯王?
玉樓金闕慵歸去,且插梅花醉洛陽。

朱敦儒
 


朱敦儒1081~1159),字希真,號巖壑,洛陽人,時稱洛川先生。他是南、北宋之交,志行高潔、工詩詞善書畫的名士。他的書法以行書最受稱譽。他的書法結字姿態多橫斜顛倒,有人說這是向五代楊凝式學的,也有人推舉他善於表現鍾繇法度

朱敦儒是個跨越兩宋的詞人,有些學者因此認為他不見得可以歸類在南宋詞人的範圍。然而在他的詞作中,有著南宋初年經歷的亂離內容,也有南遷之後種種心境的描述。雖僅短短五年,卻是朱敦儒詞作真正發光、發亮的時期。身為一個當代文人,詞作中的情感反映是相當真實的。朱敦儒受到後世注目的詩文,也大半寫於南宋時期。畢竟,「哀怨起於騷人」,在中國文學史上,往往在極昌盛或極混沌的時代,產生最優秀的作品。

2013年11月27日 星期三

【禪意】



當你沉默地離去
說過的 或沒有說過的話
都已忘記
我將我的哭泣也夾在
書頁裏 好像
我們年輕時的那幾朵茉莉

也許 會在多年後的
一個黃昏裏
從偶然翻開的扉頁中落下
沒有芳香 再無聲息

窗外那時 也許
正落著細細的細細的雨


席慕容

2013年11月26日 星期二

【憶舊遊∙秋雁】



恨霜飛榆塞,月冷楓江,萬裏淒清。
無限憑高意,便數聲長笛,難寫深情。
望極雲羅缥渺,孤影幾回驚。
見龍虎台荒,鳳凰樓迥,還感飄零。

梳翎自來去,歎市朝易改,風雨多經。
天遠無消息,問誰裁尺帛,寄與青冥?
遙想橫汾簫鼓,蘭菊尚芳馨。
又日落天寒,平沙列幕天馬鳴。


清∙文廷式


文廷式18561904)字道希,號芸閣(又號薌德、羅霄山人),晚年自稱純常子。江西萍鄉城花廟前人。是中國近代史上著名的詩人、詞家、學者和傑出的維新派人物