2014年5月9日 星期五

Some fun to share for the weekend


Rivkah, a little old lady gets on an El Al flight to Israel. She's carrying a bag, a purse and a little dog in a box. She sits down and puts the box on the seat next to her.
A stewardess approaches Rivkah and says, "I'm sorry Madam, but you can't keep the dog here. I'll have to take it and put it in baggage."
Rivkah agrees. What else can she do?
During the flight, the stewardess looks in on the little dog, and  the dog is dead. She informs the pilot who notifies Tel Aviv airport who tells the director who decides that they will get another dog to replace this one. The little old lady will never know.
When the plane lands and Rivkah goes to the baggage hall to claim her box, they bring her a box with a new dog, an exact replica of her old dog. "This is not my dog", Rivkah exclaims.
"Why yes it is," the captain tells her. "See, it has the same markings."
"This is not my dog", Rivkah insists.
"How do you know this isn't your dog?" asks the captain.
"My dog is dead!"


Yitzhak and Moshe were eating in a Chiese restaurant in London.
"Yitzhak," asked Moshe, "Are there any Jews in China?"
"I don't know," Yitzhak replied. "Why don't you ask the waiter? I'd be surprised if there were no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter came by, Moshe asked, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and went back to the kitchen.
The waiter returned a few minutes later and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Moshe asked.
"I ask everyone," the waiter replied. "We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews!"




Becky's husband dies. It was not until sometime after that Becky was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.

"Sidney thought of everything," she told some friends. "Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside and handed me 3 envelopes."
"Becky," he told me, "I have put all my last wishes in these 3 envelopes. After I am gone, open them in sequence and do exactly as I have written. Only then can I rest in peace."
"What was in the 1st envelope?" her friends asked.
"It contained £5,000 with a note, ‘Please use this money to buy me a nice coffin’. So I bought a beautiful mahogany coffin for him."
"The 2nd envelope contained £10,000 with a note, ‘Please use this for a nice funeral’. I made Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favourite foods for the shiva, including some fine malt whisky."
"And the 3rd envelope?" asked her friends.
"The 3rd envelope contained £25,000 with a note, ‘Please use this to buy a nice stone’. So I did."
Becky then held up her hand and pointed to her 5 carat diamond ring. "So," said Becky, "You like my stone?"