A retired gentleman went to the social security office
to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later."
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair.
She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office.
She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later."
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair.
She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office.
She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
A Doctor died and was being screened for the
destination of his soul's eternal afterlife. Unfortunately he'd been a bit of a
lout and greedy to boot, so he wasn't quite certain what to expect. Upon his
arrival at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter greeted him and informed the Doctor
that he would be allowed to choose from one of the doors before him, but that
because of his greed and misdeeds, he may find the choices rather disturbing.
Upon opening the first door, he saw fire and brimstone of truly Biblical proportions, a horrifying sight, and quickly closed it.
After looking through the second door, he was even more horrified to see various tortured souls ravaged by plague, disease, and other maladies too terrible to mention, while an evil guard stood watch.
Nervously he opened the third door to discover groups of white-coated male physicians, being waited on hand and foot by beautiful young women dressed in little more than nursing caps!
He rushed excitedly back to Saint Peter and said, "I'll take the third door!"
"Oh, no, I'm afraid that's not possible," exclaimed Saint Peter. "That's NURSES' Hell!"
Upon opening the first door, he saw fire and brimstone of truly Biblical proportions, a horrifying sight, and quickly closed it.
After looking through the second door, he was even more horrified to see various tortured souls ravaged by plague, disease, and other maladies too terrible to mention, while an evil guard stood watch.
Nervously he opened the third door to discover groups of white-coated male physicians, being waited on hand and foot by beautiful young women dressed in little more than nursing caps!
He rushed excitedly back to Saint Peter and said, "I'll take the third door!"
"Oh, no, I'm afraid that's not possible," exclaimed Saint Peter. "That's NURSES' Hell!"
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer.
"Look, I’ll give you £100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."
The vicar put the £100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick
up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking
nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.
Finally he went to the check-out line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who I haven't seen in a long time."
"That's a shame," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!'? It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," answered the young man. So, when the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"
As he stepped up to the check-out counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
The clerk replied, "Your mother said that you would pay for her."
Finally he went to the check-out line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who I haven't seen in a long time."
"That's a shame," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!'? It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," answered the young man. So, when the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"
As he stepped up to the check-out counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
The clerk replied, "Your mother said that you would pay for her."
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