Let's crack some jokes for the weekend!

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. 
Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan! "
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan! "
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan! "
The driver was a little annoyed, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. 
The fare was US$300.
The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive! "
There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan! "

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window? "

The Manager replied, "Which one? We have -'Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95...'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95...'Barbie goes shopping for $19.95...'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95...'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95...and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00.

"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95? " Dad asked surprised.

Simple... "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture. "

A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious? "

“Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, three doctors are there already! "

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone - "Get me a coffee, quickly! "

The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?

"No," replied the trainee.

"It's the CEO of the company, you fool! "

The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!

"No. " replied the CEO indignantly.

"Good! " replied the trainee, and puts down the phone."

Q: How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess?
A: A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit. " 
A schoolteacher says: "We're going to have to do this over and over again until we get it right. "
An airline stewardess says: "Just hold this over your mouth and nose, and breath normally. "