2014年6月14日 星期六

Football Jokes For The Weekend


God's Football Team -v- Devil's Team
God, and the devil were each having a holiday in hyper-space.  The topic of conversation turned to who could turn out the best football team.  Much to the God's surprise the devil proposed a football match to settle their dispute.
As God was leaving he said to the devil, 'Don't you realise that all the 'good' players go to heaven?"
The devil, smiling, responded "Yeah, but we've got all the refs!" 


 

Medical School

A medical professor had just finished a lecture on the subject of mental health and started to give an oral quiz to the first years.  Speaking specifically about manic depression, the senior doctor asked, 'How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?' 
A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered,  'A World Cup football coach?'


 

The Laws of Football

At one point during a football (soccer) match in America, the coach said to one of his young players, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The little boy nodded in the affirmative. ' Do you understand that what matters is how we play together as a team?' The little boy nodded yes.
'So, 'the coach continued, 'When offside is given, or a foul is not seen, you don't argue or swear or attack the referee. Do you understand all that?' Again the little boy nodded.
'Good, 'said the coach, 'Now go over there and explain it to your mother.'


 

World Cup Referee

It was the World Cup Final dinner and dance held in the evening, after the final.  The festivities were in full swing when three newcomers arrived without tickets. 'It's all right,' said one, 'we're friends of the referee.'
'Whoever heard of a referee with three friends?', said the bouncer as he threw them out.





I can't play football


After a visit to the doctor, Andy Carroll, England striker dropped in to his local pub for a quick one. 'What's up mate?' asks his friend Jermain, 'you look worried.'
'Yes, I am,' Andy replies. 'I've just been to the doctor's and he told me I can't play football.'
'Oh, really?' says Jermain. 'He's seen you play too then, has he?'