God, and the devil were each having a holiday in
hyper-space. The topic of conversation turned to who could turn out the
best football team. Much to the God's surprise the devil proposed a
football match to settle their dispute.
As God was leaving he said to the devil, 'Don't you realise that
all the 'good' players go to heaven?"
The devil, smiling, responded "Yeah, but we've got all the
A medical professor had just finished a lecture on the subject of
mental health and started to give an oral quiz to the first years.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, the senior doctor asked, 'How
would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of
his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the
A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and
answered, 'A World Cup football coach?'
The Laws of Football
At one point during a football (soccer) match in America, the
coach said to one of his young players, 'Do you understand what cooperation is?
What a team is?' The little boy nodded in the affirmative. ' Do you understand
that what matters is how we play together as a team?' The little boy nodded
'So, 'the coach continued, 'When offside is given, or a foul is
not seen, you don't argue or swear or attack the referee. Do you understand all
that?' Again the little boy nodded.
'Good, 'said the coach, 'Now go over there and explain it to your
World Cup Referee
It was the World Cup Final dinner and dance held in the evening,
after the final. The festivities were in full swing when three newcomers
arrived without tickets. 'It's all right,' said one, 'we're friends of the
'Whoever heard of a referee with three friends?', said the bouncer
as he threw them out.
I can't play football
After a visit to the doctor, Andy Carroll, England striker dropped in to his
local pub for a quick one. 'What's up mate?' asks his friend Jermain, 'you look
'Yes, I am,' Andy replies. 'I've just been to the doctor's and he
told me I can't play football.'
'Oh, really?' says Jermain. 'He's seen you play too then, has he?'