eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and
family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband
blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed. Eagerly the doctor removed
and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for
there in front of him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eyes!
The guest, asked him why
he laughed, and after some minutes of laughing and wiping his eyes, the doctor
said:"I'm just thinking of my buddy who will be 50 next week, who is a
woman came into her doctors office : An old woman came into her doctor's office
and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor
Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been
here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do? "Here's a
prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days
and comeback and see me in a week. "Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched
into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills,
but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, but now they smell
terrible! What do you have to say for yourself? ". "Calm down, Mrs.
Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your
sinuses, we'll work on your hearing. "
was a costume party at a mental hospital... : There was a costume party at a
mental hospital; the theme of the party was "war ". The first person
comes up onto the stage and says, "I'm an atomic bomb. " He gets his
applause and steps down. The second person comes up and says, "I'm a
hydrogen bomb. " Again, there's applause and he steps down. And then a
naked little man comes up to the stage and says, "I'm dynamite. "
Everybody runs away hysterically. When one of them is asked why, he says,
"Didn't you see how small his fuse was? "
A young, ruthless
executive died and went to hell. When he got there, he saw one sign that said
Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell.
In front of the
Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, while there was no-one in front of
the Capitalist Hell.
So the executive asked
the guard, "What do they do to you in Socialist Hell? "
They boil you in oil,
whip you, and then put you on the rack," the guard replied.
"And what do they
do to you in Capitalist Hell?”
"The same exact
thing," the guard answered.
"Then why is
everybody in line for Socialist Hell? “
Socialist Hell, they're always out of oil, whips, and racks! "