In 1983 3 kids were
playing in the street in Sydney when they were hit by a train. They all went to
heaven and God said to them, "You weren't supposed to die, you were all
supposed to live out your lives. This was not your time. To make it up to you, I'll
let you choose what you want to do with your life. Take a running jump off of
that cloud over there, and as you're flying back down to Earth, shout out what
you want to do. And so it shall be."
The 1st kid took a
running leap and shouted "Lawyer" and so, 20 years later, he was a very
successful lawyer, making lots of money, with an upcoming appointment to the
Bench.
The 2nd kid took his
turn and shouted "brain surgeon" and so, 20 years later, he was the
most admired man in his field of medicine and making a ton of money saving
lives.
The 3rd kid went to take
his turn, and as he ran he trips over his own feet and stumbles of the cloud
muttering "stupid clumsy arsehole." 20 years later, he's playing the
back line for the Wallabies.
Once, a long time ago,
there was a Wallaby tour of New Zealand. During their stay in Wellington, one
of the players had a fairly torrid affair with a local lass. The team moved on,
the girl stayed behind, and the whole thing was eventually forgotten about.
Four years later, the same player returns back to NZ with another Wallaby
touring side. They are in Wellington, and who should he see walking down the
street but his lover with a small child! He runs up to her and greets her, and
asks if the child is his. "Yes", she says, "it is."
"But why didn't you tell me?" he asked plaintively.
"Well"
she said, "after I found out I was pregnant, I invited all the members of
my family together for a discussion on the matter - my grandparents, my
parents, my uncles, aunts and cousins. And we all came to the same conclusion:
we would rather that it was a bastard than have a Wallaby for a father".
The family
of Auckland Blues Rugby supporters head out shopping one Saturday before
Christmas.
While in a sport shop, the son picks up a Crusaders rugby jersey and says to
his sister, "I've decided I'm going to be a Crusaders supporter and I'd
like this jersey for Christmas!"
The sister is outraged at this, promptly whacks him round the head and says,
"Go talk to your mother."
Off goes the little lad, with Crusaders jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mum," "Yes, son ?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Crusaders supporter and I'd
like this jersey for Christmas."
The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him round the head and says,
"Go talk to your father."
Off he goes with the Crusaders jersey in hand and finds his father.
"Dad?" "Yes, son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a
Crusaders supporter and I would like this jersey for Christmas."
The father is outraged at this, promptly whacks his son round the head and
says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"
About half an hour later, they are all back in the car heading home. The father
turns to the son and says, "Son, I hope you've learned an important lesson
today?" The son turns to his father and says, "Yes, Father, I
have." Father says, "Good son, and what is it?"
The son replies "I've only been a Crusaders supporter for an hour and
already I hate you Auckland bastards!!!"
