Preacher
decides to skip Sunday services and go to the golf course to hit a few...
When he gets there, he discovers there isn't anybody else around, and he has
the entire course to himself..
But he does have witnesses...Seems God and Jesus are keeping an eye on him, and
they don't approve of his church hooky-playing..
"Look at that guy," Jesus says, "He should be in church instead
of out there. C'mon, Dad, let me hit him with a lightning bolt or
something."
"No," God says, "I've something else in mind for him. Watch what
happens when he makes his next shot."
Guy sets up a ball, drives it off the tee-It sails 200 yards and lands squarely
in the hole.
"What kind of punishment is that, Dad?!" Jesus yells, "That has
to be one of the greatest golf shots in history!!"
"That's right, son, indeed it is....and because he's alone, he can't tell
anyone about it."
A new
business was opening, and one of the owner’s friends sent flowers for the
occasion. But when the owner read the card with the flowers, it said. “Rest in
Peace”
The owner was little upset and called the florist to complain. After he had
told the florist about the obvious mistake, the florist said, “Sir, I’m really
sorry for the mistake, but rater than getting angry, you should imagine this:
Somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a
note saying, “Congratulations on you new location.”
A brilliant
young boy was applying for a job with the railways. The interviewer asked him:
"Do you know how to use the equipment?"
"Yes", the boy replied.
"Then
what would you do if you realized that 2 trains, one from this station and one
from the next were going to crash because they were on the same track?"
The young
applicant thought and replied "I'd press the button to change the points
without hesitation."
"What if the button was frozen and
wouldn't work?"
"I'd
run outside and pull the lever to change the points manually"
"And if
the lever was broken?"
"I'd get on the phone to the next station
and tell them to change the points," he replied.
"And if
the phone was broken and needed an electrician to fix it?" The boy thought
about that one.
"I'd
run into town and get my uncle"
"Is your uncle an electrician?"
"No, but he's never seen a train crash
before!"
A Doctor at a health conference said “The material we put into
our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red
meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded
with MSG. High fat diets can be destructive, and none of us realizes the
long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one
thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can
anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering
for years after eating it?” After several seconds of silence, a 70-year-old man
sitting in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”