Former President Clinton died and knocked at the
Pearly Gates. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter.
"It's me, Bill Clinton."
"What bad things did you do on earth?"
Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had extra-marital sex, but you couldn't hold that against me because I didn't really have 'sexual relations.' And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury."
After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And don't 'abandon all hope' upon entering, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."
"It's me, Bill Clinton."
"What bad things did you do on earth?"
Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had extra-marital sex, but you couldn't hold that against me because I didn't really have 'sexual relations.' And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury."
After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And don't 'abandon all hope' upon entering, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."
One day George Bush is going to give a speech at an
Elementary School. He asks the teacher what the children are studying and she
replies that they are learning about Greek Tragedies. So the President decides
to talk about Tragedies. He asks a student, "What would you consider to be
a tragedy?"
The kid thinks for awhile and then says, " If a boy is running after a ball into a street and gets run over by a car and dies."
Bush responds, "No, I don't think that's a tragedy... that's an accident." Then Bush asks another kid to give an example of a tragedy.
The kid says, "If a bus full of kids drives over a cliff and they all die."
This time Bush says, "I don't think that's a tragedy... I think that's a great loss." So again Bush asks another kid to give an example of a tragedy.
The kid responds, "If you and Dick Chenney are on Air Force One and it crashes."
"Right!" says Bush to the kid. "That would be a tragedy... how did you ever know that?"
Quickly, the kid replies, " Because I know it's not an accident and I know it's not a great loss."
The kid thinks for awhile and then says, " If a boy is running after a ball into a street and gets run over by a car and dies."
Bush responds, "No, I don't think that's a tragedy... that's an accident." Then Bush asks another kid to give an example of a tragedy.
The kid says, "If a bus full of kids drives over a cliff and they all die."
This time Bush says, "I don't think that's a tragedy... I think that's a great loss." So again Bush asks another kid to give an example of a tragedy.
The kid responds, "If you and Dick Chenney are on Air Force One and it crashes."
"Right!" says Bush to the kid. "That would be a tragedy... how did you ever know that?"
Quickly, the kid replies, " Because I know it's not an accident and I know it's not a great loss."
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because
he is not sure if sex is work or play. He asks a priest for his opinion on this
question. The priest says after consulting the Bible, "My son, after an
exhaustive search I am positive sex is work and is not permitted the
Sabbath."
The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?"
He goes to minister... a married man, experienced… for the answer. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority -- a man of thousands of year's tradition and knowledge: a rabbi.
The rabbi ponders the question and states, "My son, sex is definitely play."
The man replies, "rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"
The rabbi softly speaks, " If sex were work...my wife would have the maid do it."
The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?"
He goes to minister... a married man, experienced… for the answer. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority -- a man of thousands of year's tradition and knowledge: a rabbi.
The rabbi ponders the question and states, "My son, sex is definitely play."
The man replies, "rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"
The rabbi softly speaks, " If sex were work...my wife would have the maid do it."
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