A biology
teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on
living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water
in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol
into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.
"Now," he said,” what do you learn from this?"
An eager student gave his answer.
"Well the answer is obvious," he said " if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."
"Now," he said,” what do you learn from this?"
An eager student gave his answer.
"Well the answer is obvious," he said " if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."
A
kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture
of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in
yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the
duck in a bright fire truck red.
After seeing
this, the teacher asked him: "Bobby, how many times have you seen a red
duck?"
Young Bobby
replied with "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an
umbrella."
Two small
county judges both got arrested for speeding on the same day. Rather than call
the state Supreme Court for a visiting judge, each agreed to hear the other's
case.
The first judge took the bench while the second stood at the defendant's table, and admitted his guilt. The sentencing judge immediately suspended both the fine and costs.
They switched places. The second judge admitted that he was speeding, too. Thereupon the first judge immediately fined him $250 and ordered him to pay court costs.
The second judge was furious. "I suspended your fine and costs, but you threw the book at me!", he fumed. The first judge looked at him and replied, "This is the second such case we've had in here today. Someone has to get tough about all this speeding!"
The first judge took the bench while the second stood at the defendant's table, and admitted his guilt. The sentencing judge immediately suspended both the fine and costs.
They switched places. The second judge admitted that he was speeding, too. Thereupon the first judge immediately fined him $250 and ordered him to pay court costs.
The second judge was furious. "I suspended your fine and costs, but you threw the book at me!", he fumed. The first judge looked at him and replied, "This is the second such case we've had in here today. Someone has to get tough about all this speeding!"
An old man
walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through
Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper,
Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”
The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”
The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through
Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper,
Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”
The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”
A man was
sick and tired of going to work every day
while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see
what he went through each day, so he prayed :-
"Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours
of hard work, while my wife merely stays at home. I
want her to know what I go through, so please create a
trade in our bodies". God, in His infinite wisdom,
granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a
woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed
them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to
school, came home ..... picked up the dry cleaning,
took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to
draw money to pay the electricity and telephone bills.
He drove to the electricity company and the phone
company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping,
came home and put away the groceries. He cleaned the
cat's litter box and bathed the dog. By then it was
already 1:00 pm, so he hurried to make the beds, do
the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the
kitchen floor.
He rushed to the school to pick up the kids and got
into an argument with them on the way home which he
had to sort out in a gentle 'motherly' fashion. He set
out cookies and milk and got the kids organised to do
their homework, then set up the ironing board and was
able to watch a bit of TV while he did the ironing. By
then it was 4:30 pm, so he began peeling potatoes and
washed greens for salads. He prepared the chops and
fresh vegetables and got everything ready in time for
an early dinner.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the
dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put
them to bed. At 9:00 pm he was exhausted and although
his chores weren't finished for the day, he went to
bed where he was expected to make love, which he
managed to get through without complaining. The next
morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and
said :-
"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so
wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all
day. Please, O please, let us trade back!" The Lord,
in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you
have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change
things back to the way they were. You'll just have to
wait 9 months though, because you got pregnant last
night!!!"
while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see
what he went through each day, so he prayed :-
"Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours
of hard work, while my wife merely stays at home. I
want her to know what I go through, so please create a
trade in our bodies". God, in His infinite wisdom,
granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a
woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed
them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to
school, came home ..... picked up the dry cleaning,
took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to
draw money to pay the electricity and telephone bills.
He drove to the electricity company and the phone
company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping,
came home and put away the groceries. He cleaned the
cat's litter box and bathed the dog. By then it was
already 1:00 pm, so he hurried to make the beds, do
the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the
kitchen floor.
He rushed to the school to pick up the kids and got
into an argument with them on the way home which he
had to sort out in a gentle 'motherly' fashion. He set
out cookies and milk and got the kids organised to do
their homework, then set up the ironing board and was
able to watch a bit of TV while he did the ironing. By
then it was 4:30 pm, so he began peeling potatoes and
washed greens for salads. He prepared the chops and
fresh vegetables and got everything ready in time for
an early dinner.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the
dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put
them to bed. At 9:00 pm he was exhausted and although
his chores weren't finished for the day, he went to
bed where he was expected to make love, which he
managed to get through without complaining. The next
morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and
said :-
"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so
wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all
day. Please, O please, let us trade back!" The Lord,
in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you
have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change
things back to the way they were. You'll just have to
wait 9 months though, because you got pregnant last
night!!!"
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