A poet and a scientist were traveling together on a
plane. The scientist was bored and said to the poet, "Hey, you, do you
want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give
me $5. Then, you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you
$5."
The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing
that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the
scientist's offer.
The scientist, who was really bored, tried again. "Look, I'll ask you a
question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a
question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50."
The poet agreed. "Okay," the scientist said, "what is the exact
distance between the Earth and the Moon?"
The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the
scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the
scientist.
The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, "Okay, now it's
your turn."
The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, "All right,
what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?"
The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought about
this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations.
He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia
Encyclopedia. As the plane was landing the scientist gave up. He reluctantly
handed the poet a $50 bill.
The poet accepted it graciously, getting ready to stand up. "Wait!"
the scientist shouted, "you can't do this to me! What's the answer?"
The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put a $5 bill into his hand.
A musical director was having a lot of trouble with
one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his
performance simply didn't improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't
handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the
instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't
handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a
conductor."
An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade
his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to
help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described
his predicament.
Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my
potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden
plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the
plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the
BODIES.
Love, Bubba
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up
the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and
left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the
circumstances.
Love, Bubba
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was
taken to the
hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death
experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?" God said,
"No, you
have another 43 years, two months and eight days to live." Upon
recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift,
liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she
figured she might as well look even nicer. After her last operation, she
was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way
home, an ambulance killed her. Arriving in front of God, she demanded,
"I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of
the path of that ambulance?" God replied, "Girl, I didn't recognize
you”
